It’s come to my attention that I’m blogging wrong

But before I tell you that you don’t know me and you don’t know my life I will concede that I think I’m supposed to be generating content that’s likely to generate income. Or, at the very least, show up somewhere that people might see it.

That’s a bit of a stretch, so I’ll lower the stakes.

In theory, content that shows up in search engines will give me street cred. By “getting street cred,” I mean “shows up in people’s search results so they think this idea (or list or rant) is the best possible list, idea, or rant.”

Because, obviously the blog that I just read featuring a bold FUCK YOU AND YOUR MISHAPEN PENIS theme is the pinnacle of divorce party planning ideas. I don’t know if a phobia of badly drawn (and molded!) penis items was the takeaway the author wanted me to have, but it left a mark.

I don’t know what you’re doing in Australia, but this food is not working for me. (Yes, I see what you did there. Yes, I’m also fighting my gag reflex.)

I don’t know who hurt you, lady. Rest assured, dear reader, this little number didn’t make it into my divorce party pack’s menu section.

And I didn’t even show you the cake. Or pinata.

So many dicks. Please hold while I bleach my eyes and do some deep breathing to channel a more effervescent and positive vibe for all the women celebrating their newfound single-hood.

I know I shouldn’t be writing this. Instead, I should be writing a list with a click-baity titles like, “10 things you shouldn’t say at a divorce party—or else.” Like my pins… and my instagram carousels… and all of the other things that I’m creating to get the word out.

Not today, though. For one more day, this blog is gonna be about this process and shine a light on the actual human being who is over here learning how to do this stuff in the hopes that she can help one more woman have an audaciously good time without throwing her laptop out the window or having to dodge 25,000 articles with the same fucking lame idea. Or a penis cake with hair.

Tomorrow, click bait.